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“What does adoption mean to a child?”

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Why Women in Their 30s Choose to Give a Baby Up for Adoption

At any age, experiencing an unplanned pregnancy can be stressful. The reasons behind that stress, though, can vary depending on what stage of life you’re in when it happens. When a woman in her 30s considers adoption for her child, then, her thought process might be very different than someone in their teenage years.

If you are in your 30s and considering adoption for your baby, the first thing you should know is you aren’t alone. Some people have the misconception that women who choose adoption are in their teens or lower 20s, but that isn’t necessarily the case. Women of all ages choose adoption for their children and for many different reasons. Your choice doesn’t have to be defined by your age, even if you are thinking something such as, “I’m 37 years old and I don’t want my baby.”

The second thing you should know about considering adoption for your baby is that you don’t have to feel guilty. Choosing adoption means that you are choosing a life for your child with parents who are both emotionally and financially prepared to give them the best life possible. It’s putting your child’s interests above your own. Whether you are 16 years old or 32, that’s a selfless decision at any age.

If you are struggling with your adoption decision, sometimes it can help to understand why other women in situations similar to yours chose adoption for their children. The following are just a few of the reasons a woman in her 30s might choose to place her baby for adoption.

Her family is already complete.

Many women who choose adoption already have other children. If you have a few kids at home already, you know how much work it is to be a parent. The finances are one factor; today, it costs an average of $233,610 to raise a child until the age of 18. If you are already struggling to make ends meet without an addition to the family, that number can feel impossible.

Money isn’t the only reason some women choose not to add to their families, though. Responsibilities such as helping with homework, coordinating rides to school activities, and being a good role model for children are no easy feat. Some women feel that their workload is immense even without adding another child, and they worry that the children they already have might suffer when their attention and resources are pulled in yet another direction.

She is moving up in her career.

By the time most women reach their 30s, the building blocks for their careers are already in place. They’ve done the internships, the fellowships, and the grunt work of entry-level jobs. The amount of growth, both in terms of skills and paychecks, that can occur in someone’s 30s is immense. There is no shame in wanting to focus on moving up the ladder rather than taking a break to have a child. Of course, it’s entirely possible to dominate in the workplace while raising a baby, but it’s undeniable that it will be more difficult.

She has a complicated relationship with the baby’s father.

The assumption might be that a woman in her 30s is in a serious, stable relationship with the father of her child, but that isn’t a fair or accurate assumption. Relationships can be complicated no matter how old you are. Many women end up choosing adoption because they know they can’t count on the father of their children to be reliable. While being a single mother is entirely possible and nothing to be ashamed of, many women choose not to do so when their child’s birth father has already given them reason to believe they’ll be alone in their parenthood journey.

She doesn’t want to be a mother.

There doesn’t have to be any other reason than this to choose adoption for your child. Not all women want to be mothers. That’s entirely okay. If you feel that you don’t want your baby or aren’t ready to raise him or her — not necessarily because you can’t afford them or because you have an unstable situation — there is no shame in that. Some people want children and some do not. It is completely acceptable to fall under the latter category.

If any of the above reasons might apply to you, there are, of course, two options for your pregnancy other than parenting: abortion or adoption. Only you can decide which option is right for you and your baby. Some benefits of choosing adoption, however, that some women don’t know about are:

  • Choosing an open adoption means you can watch your child grow up to be happy, healthy and successful. You can have a lifelong relationship both with your child and the adoptive family you choose.
  • Adopted children are more likely to pursue secondary education and extracurricular activities. This is a benefit of being raised in a home that was both financially and emotionally prepared for a new child.
  • Adopted kids get not one but two sets of parents who loved them enough to put their best interests first.

For more information about adoption and what that could look like for your family, feel free to call American Adoptions anytime at 1-800-ADOPTION. 

Information available through these links is the sole property of the companies and organizations listed therein. America Adoptions, Inc. provides this information as a courtesy and is in no way responsible for its content or accuracy.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Why is American Adoptions the right adoption agency choice for many birth mothers?

American Adoptions is one of the largest licensed adoption agencies in the United States. Each year, we work with thousands of women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy and offer assistance to these women. Our large, caring staff is able to assist you seven days a week and provide you with one-on-one counseling about your pregnancy and available options.

You should choose an adoption agency where you feel completely comfortable with their services and staff. With American Adoptions, you will work with an Adoption Specialist who is on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The Adoption Specialist will be your advocate and will provide support and guidance as you create an adoption plan that is right for you.

How will the family tell my child about me and the adoption when my child is older?

Each family has their own style of introducing adoption to the child. When you are matched with an adoptive family, you can ask them this question. If you would like your Adoption Specialist to discuss it for you, just let her know. He or she can share your wishes or provide good ideas from other adoptive families.

You will also be able to share what you want your baby to know about you. You can complete a keepsake booklet to share hobbies, stories, photos of you and your family and a letter to your baby. The adoptive family can provide this to your child as he or she grows older. Be as creative as you like! Some birth mothers have even knitted a special blanket as a gift to their baby or given a similar symbol of their love.

The father of your baby can fill out the birth father's keepsake booklet or write a letter too. You may have other family members who would also like to share photos or a letter to the baby. This is your opportunity to pass on your and your family's love and to share your personality, history and reasons for choosing adoption. The adoptive family will treasure whatever information you provide and will share it with the baby at an appropriate age. In most adoptive homes, the word adoption is in the child's vocabulary early on, and adoption is celebrated in their lives.

Additional Resources

Teen Pregnancy - Information for Young Women

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